Blind date
Show not tell version:
He came into Tully's a little red-faced from the cold. Looking around at the mostly empty coffee shop, his glance fell upon a dark haired woman dressed in a navy blue dress sitting next to the fireplace that is perpetually burning in Tully's. "Are you Chrissy?" he asked. When she replied yes, he stuck out his hand and shook hers vigorously. Then he sat down. She had been drinking a cup of coffee which she put down. He immediately proceeded to ask her how her day had been. They touched upon work, interests, trying to find some common ground. After about ten minutes, he asked her, "So, are you a sweet, fatty type of person or a fried salty person?"
She laughed, looking at him with her head slightly tilted, one eyebrow slightly arched. "What?" she asked.
"Sweet fatty people are the type who can't resist cake, donuts, ice cream and such. Fried salty are people who like chips and things like that.
Chrissy laughed again. "Oh, definitely fried salty. I can't resist a bag of chips. I'll buy them at the grocery store and they'll be half gone by the end of the night."
"I'm a sweet fatty," he confessed. "I love bread and cinnamon rolls and things like that." She smiled, amused, and leaned in a bit closer. The cup of coffee sat untouched in the middle of the table as the conversation continued.
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Show not tell plus analysis
I was sitting at a little round table with cafe latte when he came in--tall, a little red-faced from the cold, around thirty something in a beige knitted sweater. He looked around and then walked over to a dark haired lady at the loveseat next to the fireplace they're got perpetually burning in Tully's. After asking her name, he took a seat next to her and introduced himself. "Ooh, a blind date," I thought to myself. For the next ten minutes, they proceeded to chitchat about work and such, so I turned my attention back to my papers. "So are you a sweet, fatty type of person or a fried, salty?" he asked. My ears perked up. I've never heard anyone separate snacks into these two categories. And to ask a person on a blind date seemed somewhat daring--a little on the personal side. "Sweet fatty people are the type who can't resist cake, donuts, ice cream and such. Fried salty are people who like chips and things like that." The dark haired woman laughed.
"Oh, definitely fried salty," she replied. "I can't resist a bag of chips. I'll buy them at the grocery store and they'll be half gone by the end of the night."
"I'm a sweet, fatty," he said. "I love bread and cinnamon buns and things like that."
It made sense. Snacking preferences or weaknesses could generally be broken into these broad groups. Their admission of their weakness for a certain type of snack broke the ice for them. The conversation turned again, so I went back to my work. When I left half an hour later, they were still laughing and talking, her cup of coffee cold on the table in between them.
posted by phebe @ 1:36 PM
1 Comments:
I kept wanting to tell you about this exercise in the fourth grade one of teachers did. I'll never forget it because it explains "show not tell" perfectly. First you tell the class that that you have a friend who is an alien and he wants to know how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The class has to write insturction for this creature that has no idea what peanut butter is or jelly, or bread, or even a knife etc. You get the idea. The alien is completely clueless about the epicurean delights we humans eat. Then the class the the whole period to write instructions for the alien to make this snadwich. Even though he has no idea what a snadwich is. Then at the next class, you bring in a bag of bread, a knife, and peanut butter, and jelly. You use the instructions the class has written out individually, and try to make this sanwich according to the directions you are given. The results were great with our class. Sometimes the bread would actually get peanut butter and jelly on it, but it wouldn;t be put together. Or the jelly was spread all over the top of the sandwich. It just makes the showing more conceivable and obvious. Just an idea.
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